Scared of scales

Yesterday I've finally read a proper book. I am a true book-worm ever since Mother taught me to read when I was three. But because I'm not feeling good and this horrible depression I can't concentrate on anything and even reading was put aside. It is a book Polish written by Małgorzata Gutowska-Adamek "Cukiernia Pod Amorem". It is a story about the twisted and tangled family ties on within a space of a century. There are supposed to be two other tomes and I hope to read them soon. I'm not really fan of books like that, but I was surprised how interesting it was becoming with each chapter I read.

I also have a pile of magazines waiting for me to read them. I'm so bad - I usually buy and them forget or put it aside and never actually get down to read it. By the time I want tom there's new issue and I put it on top to make even bigger pile. I have weekend editiong of El País, Culture from The Sunday Times, Glamour, Stylist and Zest. 

Today I had a meeting with personal trainer Renata. She is extremely nice and easy to talk to. I had all the measurements taken and to be honest I am embarrassed. I don't know how I could have allowed for such enormity to happen... I really need to start taking care of myself in all areas of my life - psychologically and physically. I have two more sessions with her and then my 6 weeks membership expires (of which I didn't use much, because of my laziness and being sick), but I'm already planning to buy 4 months membership. I MUST exercise and diet or it's going to get even worse. I have never, ever weighted so much in my entire life and I had no idea it is even possible for me to weight that much (OK, I am exaggerating, but it was pretty bad when I stepped on scales). The worst thing is that I don't have energy and determination. I just have to find it in me.

So today is my first day of diet - I eat less, no sweets and fast foods, I drink plenty of water and I go to the gym 4-5 times a week. Easy to write and say, so much harder to actually do, but I have to keep trying. Almost one year ago I've survived TEN whole days without any food - just mixture of water, honey and lemon, so I know I have it somewhere inside me.