La panthère ose - Paris Vogue

Another editorial from the issue of Paris Vogue I was writing about in this post features Crystal Renn, who is photographed by Tom Ford. Crystal Renn is famous for being the "fat" model, who was breaking the taboos of the modeling world and actually walked on the catwalk being UK size 14. Yet every time I see her she is thinner and thinner (simultaneously blaming it on Photoshop) - her weight simply changes as fast as the London weather. 

Here, she plays the cougar recovering after series of plastic surgeries. I like how it mocks all these artificially enhanced stars, who claim to have their perfect looks thanks to good genes, diet and exercises (for example Nicole Kidman denying Botox)!

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Yesterday we ventured to the outside world - finally - after all the illnesses, fevers and bad cough. I was so happy! We went to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I am a MAJOR fan of the books. I got them as a Christmas present from my uncle when I was six years old. I was reading them all the time throughout the years and I love them! The books are pure magic. I am fortunate to have them in two big hardcover editions, which are sturdy and full of the coloured original illustrations. I remember that there was a time when I was reading all stories so often, that I've known them by heart. My personal favourite is The Horse and His Boy, which I have also in English, French and I also recently purchased one copy in Spanish - I am mad! But I know the story by heart, I know all the sentences and it's a good way to learn a language - to read something you know so well - only in a "slightly" different manner. 

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - the movie - was of course made in a Hollywood style. There were some over the top scenes, but in the end - I liked it. Of course, as a usual practice, they've altered the storyline and bended it for better filming, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I was really impressed by the fact that they've managed to actually insert a meaning into a movie - we can see the internal struggles of the characters and how they are giving in or how they are trying to fight with them. I was surprised by it, because the book differs in that respect - it's more about the journey, while the movie is about different journey - the one which takes you to the darkest places of your own mind and soul. So, now I am very interested in watching Black Swan.

Today I wanted to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (I am SO behind), but because Boyfriend has (so far) a mild attack of the kidney stones, we've stayed inside. I also wanted to see two exhibitions in the National Gallery, but this also had to be postponed for the next weekend.

Cadeaux - Paris Vogue

One of the very few luxuries which I am treating myself these days is purchase of the Paris Vogue almost every month. The last edition was a double-issue December 2010/January 2011 under the direction of the famous fashion designer Tom Ford under the supervision of the editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld. It is one of the Roitfeld's last issues, because on 17 December 2010 she has announced her resignation and will leave the magazine at the end of January 2011 to be replaced by Emmanuelle Alt. Right now, I just can't imagine Paris Vogue without her. Time will show if Alt will continue Roitfeld's vision of breaking the taboos and showing grey areas - showing the unspeakable. 

Of course under Roitfeld's reign Paris Vogue was controversial. She has put painted in black Lara Stone on the cover - for which she was criticized - that she doesn't give black models a chance. She still managed to actually PUT models on the front cover - not like Anna Wintour who prefers actresses. Also, despite recession Roitfeld still kept the magazine going - it is full-on magazine - not like a shrank version of US Vogue, which literally has 20 pages. I still have old US Vogue magazines - especially the September 2008 edition (surprisingly, right before the Lehman brothers collapse...) with Keira Knightley on the cover. The magazine is HUGE. I remember telling my dad to buy me one copy when he was flying to Poland from New York and he complained that it is heavier than a book! And now look at it! It's not even worth to buy it - such a shame!

I the Dec/Jan issue of the Paris Vogue are three controversial editorials. Especially "Cadeaux". There has been a lot of discussion on this editorial - some on the forums, some on the blogs and some on my Facebook. One of my friends attached a link with the pictures and condemned a whole thing saying that it is a "treat for paedophiles", asking "what is wrong with this world" and concluding "fashion is bad, because it treats little girls like objects". There were of course others who totally agree with her and when me and the other girl tried to present our point of view we were almost branded "paedophiles in disguise". This really got under my skin. To start with, I don't think that any paedophile will buy a Paris Vogue. Second of all, the magazine is about FASHION and it is controversial - as it is supposed to be. Another thing is that there are A LOT of children, who are not much older than these girls, who are putting their nude or almost-nude pictures on all kinds of websites with no parent or adult stopping them. Personally, I think that the editorial is great, of course the girls are made into adult women, but to me, it's not a big deal. They have make-up and they've been Photoshopped - who isn't in the fashion magazine these days? Besides, the whole subject is Cadeaux - what the pictures don't show is that all photos are attached to a particular theme of gifts. 

The photo on the right is from the different editorial which asks 

what make-up to put when you're 13 and 70.

 

Which little girl didn't dress up in her mother's clothes, high heels 

and put the make-up on? 

To me, these editorial portrays exactly that - 

- only in the very expensive clothes and professional make-up.

Jersey Shore thing

OK, so I'm watching Jersey Shore and now I miss summer, wearing simple summer clothes - dresses, t-shirts, shorts - NOT layers of clothes. And I'm still repelled by drinking straight vodka. Dom-dom's birthday party last year was too much for me. I will never forget when at one point I was given an ultimatum - get up from the floor (where I was having convulsions) and go to bed OR go to the hospital for lavage of the stomach. Given this ultimatum I swiftly collected myself and went to bed - for a very long beauty sleep. 

It's not a mystery that I am a suck up for TV shows - I watch vast number of them. To be honest most of my closest friends don't have any idea how addicted I am. Now - when I'm not working, I've even made a little digital Post-It on the laptop's wallpaper to keep track what is when. I know - there's something wrong with me (and I have lots of free time). The third season of Jersey Shore started two weeks ago and there already has been a cat fight. Meow!

Jersey Shore is one of my guilty pleasures. When I watched first few episodes I was AMAZED how stupid and ignorant people can be. And at the same time - how entertaining. I keep my lips sealed about this one, because when people can excuse me for watching Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives or even 90210, they are not forgiving about the Jersey Shore. Maybe it's because they think they're better than Snooki and the gang? Oh, and I do like Snooki and JWoww, even if sometimes they act really stupid. I have soft spot for Snooki especially, because she is the same height as me - I know - I'm pint-size! The one thing about the Jersey Shore I don't get is The Situation (who nicknames himself "The Situation" anyway?!) - come on - he is SO ugly it's beyond words! OK, he has a fab six-pack but on the daily basis I wouldn't manage to constantly look on his face and this horrific haircut!

The Worst Nightmare

Today I went to help D. with her UCAS application. I basically completely rewritten her entire personal statement. Oh, how I hate these things! Writing crap about yourself which someone barely reads and it's just a formality.

AB is not feeling very good. She has her birthday bash on the 28th - and she had to postpone it because her grandmother is in a hospital. She feels guilty, because she's not back home with her family, so I tried to comfort her. What could she do anyway? My high school friend, K., who lives in London too recently posted that he's going on an emergency trip back home - his grandfather ended up in a hospital. Just when I read that he came back to London for 3 days, he updated his status with RIP and that he's going back on the same day.

On a more positive note, on Tuesday I'm going to Kent to visit AW. She is huge and can't move, so we're not meeting in London. Besides, I'm happy, because it's going to be good for me - going away from this shit-hole - even if for a couple of hours.

I also had The Most Horrible Nightmare EVER. Until this day I always thought that dreaming about my mother in her wedding dress in a coffin when I was circa 13 was the worst thing. This night changed it all. I have never felt my heart beating so fast when I woke-up. Even after running. I don't want to think about it, but it comes like a punch to a face when I close my eyes. I still have a major trouble sleeping. I wake up around 3-4am and I am restless until 5-6am. I just can't go back to sleep. I'm even thinking about drinking this drug I got from my aunt - she gave it to me to calm my nerves. I don't know how long I'll stand it.

Restless

Well, I'm feeling alive and healthy, but Boyfriend is off sick until next Monday. He went to the doctor again yesterday, he is taking antibiotic and has to rest all week. He has really serious cough and random fever increases, so we got scared a little, because there are new swine flu cases in the UK.

Nothing much happens really. I've sent some CVs and applications today, but there's nothing at the moment. All my hopes of the New Year and increase of the job offers are vanishing. It makes me more and more stressful so I can't fall asleep and when I do, I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm restless for a couple of hours tossing and turning. I need to study Spanish, but I'm lacking motivation - so not good considering my previous post about New Year resolutions and its Number 23... I am SO NOT impressed with myself.

2011 resolutions

I wasn't supposed to be writing this today - after shutting down the laptop few hours ago I decided to read and just spend a peaceful evening. But when I was laying in bed I thought of few more New Year resolutions I can add to my list. 

I was inspired by Amy Blackwell's idea for this year's resolutions and I made a list of 23 things to achieve/complete/do - while I'm 23. Hopefully, it will encourage me to change my life for a better one.

My list of 23 things:

1. Find a job
2. Study Spanish and pass certificate exam
3. Study French and prepare for certificate exam
4. Produce more drawings
5. Paint an oil painting
6. Read more poetry
7. Be more patient
8. Decide what I want to do in life
9. Decide on the tattoo's design
10. Write and send more letters
11. Keep up my friendships and don’t wait for friends to write to me – write myself first
12. Eat healthy
13. Exercise – I don’t have bike for just admiring it (even though it is cute)
14. Take care of myself – more positive thinking and chin up
15. Read more  in different languages
16. Make a new friend
17. Spend less evening-time on the computer – so I can go peacefully to sleep
18. Keep up blogging – maybe I’ll have 50 Followers or more!
19. Celebrate every anniversary and holiday – even if it is a walk in the park
20. Use my British Museum Pass
21. Learn how to tame my hair
22. Find a way to help others
23. Motivate myself when I'm lazy

Every home needs a Harvey

Oh, how I miss my dog Krecik - every time I watch this:

If for some reason you cannot watch the video type:  
Dogs Home TV Ad (every home needs a Harvey) 
into the YouTube search box.

I'm not saying that Krecik is perfect like that - far from it! - but it's just the idea of having a dog. All my life I've wanted one and now I'm away and would give almost anything - even my Jimmy Choos - to have one. 

Relaxing during break from filming

Reflections

We're both ill. I am slightly less, so I'm making all the teas, I cleaned and even done laundry and ironing. Boyfriend had really high fever in the morning, so he decided to stay at home and take a day off. He's feeling much better (so better he can actually play on his mobile on surf on the Internet), but he'll probably stay at home tomorrow. It is easy to figure out that I'm going to be sick for longer - the normal pattern is that I'm infecting him and vice versa. 

I started reading yesterday one of the books I got from Santa: "One Moment, One Morning" by Sarah Rayner. I wasn't expecting nothing like this. I know that you should never judge a book by its cover (with reference to people too) - I've made this mistake several times and got acquainted with the Tolkien's Hobbit much later as a result - but I was expecting a chick-lit. It is nothing like that. It's about death, loss, sorrow and friendship. 

It is hard for me to read - I start to recall my first encounter with death - when my first granddad died. I was still in primary school and couldn't really understand it. I didn't want to go to the actual funeral, but it was out of the question - my parents were so upset I didn't even  ask if I can stay. Right now I feel that it's good that I went, but that's probably only because I understand it better (if you can ever understand death). I still remember how I prayed to God for granddad to live and go swimming in the summer. Obviously it didn't happen and I just felt overwhelming feeling of betrayal when my dad called and told me that granddad is dead. I guess right then and there I just got angry and stopped believing in some things.

Cold?

So I'm getting ill. I have funny feeling in my throat and a little fever - nothing serious...yet. I so don't want to be ill right now. My state can be only blamed on the vanilla milkshake consumed two days ago. I remember two things: sitting in a car and saying that it's madness to have milkshake on the second of January and then coming up the stairs and saying that my throat feels weird. So there it is. My own fault (but it tasted really good). I'll do almost anything (except drinking Lemsip - I HATE it - and even word "hate" is an understatement) to feel better. 

I can't be having a cold - I need to send CV and apply for jobs. Today was the first time this year (it sounds so "uprising"... NOT) when I logged on all the dreaded websites. I was really expecting some more ads, but so far - as I see it - nothing which may turn into a job interview. I've sent some CVs, but as I say - I won't be expecting any calls. To be honest I was surprised, because I thought that there will be plenty of ads, but I try to convince myself that it's only fourth of January and in the UK it's the first day when people actually went to work (yesterday was a Bank Holiday). So I'll be checking and sending more CVs on Thursday and Friday - then the usual weekend break and back on Monday. Tomorrow I'll be talking to Mother and I just need to be strong and don't care what she says. It's so hard, but I need to do it for my own sanity.

Playing cards

I still remember when I was little how I played card games with my grandparents or all kids from the neighbourhood gathered at my place and we played in the summer until it was dark outside and all the parents were calling them to come home. I remember all the names of the games, but how to actually play them - not so much. At the moment I can only play Battle (duh!), Mau Mau (Makao) and Poker. But it is so much fun! I got cute little cards from Santa and I fully intend to use them!

Play me

.

Why is that the whole world is telling me and I still can't believe them. Why is that only her words validate me and my actions. Why is that she - who is supposed to love me unconditionally - hurts me the most and no matter what I do is still not satisfied. Why is that I always have to watch my tongue and I can never tell her everything. Why is that every time I first have to check in what mood is she. Why is that my Mother will never listen to me, truly listen - not only worlds, but listen with understanding. Why she doesn't have any respect for me - just because I don't have a fucking job.

NYE report

O M G. My feet hurt. They hurt like crazy. My feet are numb. I danced like crazy person. Honestly, like if there was not going to be tomorrow. I'm thankful to Santa that he brought me a Body Shop foot mask, which will be very helpful today.

NYE party was fun. The music was loud, the drinks were strong and the girls were great as always. The balance is: drink spilled on me: 5 (three by Dom-Dom), drinks spilled by me: 4 (it's not my fault that Monx pushed me through the crowd!). Drunken messages sent: ONLY one!

I just have one question: Why is that your boyfriend is always the worst dancer? OK, considering what I saw yesterday, maybe not the worst, but very near.

At least the tube was working all night and we came back around 5am. We slept, we ate some breakfast around 2pm. I am tired. On the outside I try to convince everyone that I'm happy, but on the inside I'm sick to my stomach - I'm scared that even in New Year I still won't find a job. I'm afraid of what will happen next.

Last day of the year

We're gonna clean the space around us, so we're not going to enter New Year with the old dirt and filth. Then, I'm washing my long, long hair and trying to make something out of it. Because my hair is VERY uncooperative, it will lay flat despite my best efforts. All of my life I try to tame and force it. And it is not curly - it is straight as a stick. I remember that before the Prom Night I spent like 6-7 hours at the hairdresser and all my beautiful curls were gone within 1 hour. I was devastated! In January I'm planning major hair revamp - with cutting and layers.

We're going to party and celebrate NYE at Sway. I'm torn whatever I want to go - on the one hand there's going to be Dom-Dom, Monx, probably ECH with her boyfriend. But on the other hand, there's going to be lots of people I'm not exactly fond of. And they're going to be asking questions. A lot of questions which will follow the conversation like that: "Do you have a job? No? Don't worry, something will come up eventually". And these pity looks. I'm going to need A LOT of vodka today.

Hoping for a change

I don't really want to write any recap of this year. It wasn't particularly good for me. Or I should rather say it was just plain crappy. Except passing all my LPC exams in the first round nothing happened that could really make me happy. I still don't have a job, I still feel awful and guilty about that. I just hope that the new year will be better. Because I don't know what else to do. I seriously don't. Because apparently even when you want to volunteer in Africa you need money for the ticket.

I just hope for a change, for some good luck, for a light at the end of a tunnel. I don't know if it's a lot to ask or not, but I ask for it anyway. I want to be a better person, but right now I feel that I have nothing to change for. 

Eat, Pray, Love

I started reading today one of my presents from Santa - book: "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I've heard about it long time ago, but never got a chance to actually buy it and read it. There is even the movie with Julia Roberts based on this book and as I always prefer to read first and watch later - I knew that I had to put the book on my Santa List. 

I haven't decided what to think... yet.

After reading the reviews in The Times and hearing Oprah saying that the book is "the bible for XXI century woman" I was expecting a lot. I think I expected a little too much and so far, the book is not really delivering. Maybe I am too young, maybe I don't understand. I think the fundamental issue is that I am not really fan of the author - I do not like her as a person she is. Of course, I will give her a chance (I still have 2/3 of book to read), but so far - it's not so good. The book reminds me a little bit (or maybe it's only the similar story) about another million-copies-sold bestseller: "Under the Tuscan Sun" written by Frances Mayes. I wonder what will happen to Elizabeth Gilbert when her journey takes her further. I hope she'll choose smart, because so far, for me, her portrait is a little bit of a spoiled brat.

After Xmas

I can't believe how fast Christmas went by! Preparations, plans, scheming and eating. Today we went to do some shopping and exchange unwanted gifts. Therefore instead of one rather ugly bag - I have two! Yey! Me like sales. 

Beautiful, right?

We had to get up really early to be in the shopping centre among first ones - I was not in the mood to be squashed among masses. Anyway, is there anyone anywhere to be in such mood - ever? We've managed to avoid big squeezes, but when we were leaving it was actually hard to get to the door.

The Boyfriend is watching first season of Fringe. We started watching it last night, but for me there's too much blood, suspense and psychotic scientists. So for the dessert we'll have Le Petit Nicolas.

For laughs and smiles

EDIT: We've just watched Le Petit Nicolas. I haven't laugh so hard in ages (in movie-terms: since The Hungover). The movie is officially one of my Top Three comedies EVER. The other two places are taken by The Hungover (I know that you've figured this one out) and Rat Race.

Boxing Day

Today I'm not feeling very well and we've stayed home chillaxing (as ECH says). Due to the Skype-internet problems I haven't talked to my parents much, so I called home and Mother was like OK, OK, we're busy, we've baked some cake and everything's fine. I never thought this day would come when my parents actually didn't have a single fight during the holidays. Usually the pattern is like that: serenity before storm, lightnings, fireworks, more fireworks and back to love is all around. I can't believe they are actually getting along! It feels so good to know that and I just hope I haven't jinxed it!

We were planning to take a walk around London today, but because I feel really miserable we've put it of until Tuesday. Tomorrow we're going to the shopping centre to maybe catch some bargains - unless everything is sold out, because as far as I know there's shopping MADNESS in the UK at the moment. Boxing Day is a Sale Day - similar to the American Black Friday after Thanksgiving. On top of that, of course Transport for London aka tube workers decided to strike today and probably tomorrow - we still can get to the city, but I don't want to image what's going on there.

Christmas Day

It is official. I ate WAY too much. I feel I need special Joey-pants* and I need them now. Boyfriend commented on this by saying that the only reason we ate too much is simply because the food is so delicious. Well, it is! But we didn't eat proper dinners today and yesterday - simply because it is not physically impossible - there's not space left. Not even for one tiny sip of tea. So now it is time to get up, go outside to visit local swans and gooses at Reservoir and for a change - feed someone else - not only ourselves! Merry Christmas!

We came back with cold feet and red faces. It's cold outside. Like freezing cold. And despite our best attempts the birds were not interested in yesterday-baked bread! There are only two theories behind this - either they are fussy eaters and prefer cake rather than plain bread OR they're also so mega-hiper-full like we are. Nevertheless, we had a walk, saw a beautiful sunset and... saw a fox! A real, furry creature - how great is that!

Now Boyfriend is drinking mulled wine and eating gingerbread cookies and we're listening to Christmas Carols.

Merry, Merry Christmas!

* For those who don't know this episode - Phoebe brought Rachel her maternity pants - ugly patchwork with elastic rubber instead of proper belt. During Thanksgiving Joey had to eat whole turkey and in the middle, he put these pants on, so he could have more room!

Christmas Eve

It's going to be a quick and short post, because I want to enjoy my presents - Santa was VERY generous this year! Christmas Eve was much more better than I thought it would be - we made the food, talked to families on Skype and it was actually very nice. I am happy. Considering how unhappy I was about staying here in London for Christmas - it's so good to feel happy and relieved! I think I've put too much pressure on myself and right now it feels so good - as if weight was lifted from my shoulders!

On the Eve of the Christmas Eve

Today I'm being lazy (I've watched Pride and Prejudice like hundredth time) and keeping a low-profile before tomorrow's madness of shopping and cleaning. In Poland tomorrow's Christmas Eve is a day which is enormously celebrated - even more than the actual Christmas Day. It's this evening of the year where the whole family gets together, sings Christmas carols and according to the tradition eats 12 different dishes. After the dinner all the kids are looking out of the window and wait for the first star to come up - this means that Santa comes with the gifts! And because miracles happen (and I don't mean talking animals on Christmas Eve) - the presents appear under the Christmas Tree! When I was little my dad dressed up as Santa and when he rang a bell I was screaming, shrieking and hiding under the table! Oh, how happy I was.

This year will be nothing like that. I truly hope that's the last time I'm not celebrating Christmas properly and away from family. There will be Boyfriend and me. That's it. I am sad, but I try not to think about it. We will just add something extra special from us - to cultivate old and make new traditions for the future. And I thank God for Skype!

To all of you my Blogging Friends - I wish you a Merry Christmas 

and a very Happy New Year!

Strolling alone

I went to collect NYE tickets today. Of course there was some drama, because they were unsure if I only reserved them or booked and paid. I've never been there - we were planning to go there with the girls countless times, but never actually got there - but my first impression wasn't so great. At least as good as I hoped. Anyway, I'll keep in mind that the place doesn't make the party, only people and that you can have the best of times with the cheesiest songs on the planet if the people are fantastic. What I LOVE to do next morning when I wake up after every party is to check out all the pictures I made. To say the least, I've made some enemies on Facebook throughout the years. I can't wait for the NYE pictures. It's going to be crazy!

Later I went for a walk around London. I was in no hurry and for the first time in years (!) I was strolling alone around the city with no purpose or agenda. It was great. I didn't even realize how much I needed it. It reminded me how I actually love to live here.

Christmas Tree on Trafalgar Square

4 things about me

I was given this tag by the lovely Sarah Elizabeth. If you haven't already - check out her blog! She traded rainy Scotland for sunny Italy and is currently renovating her 16th century house in the middle of a small village. How cool is that?! Thank you Sarah Elizabeth for tagging - I enjoy all tagging experiences! xox


Here are my 4 things:

4 Shows I watch: TV series are one of my many guilty pleasures. From the top:
1. Friends - there are reruns every day all year on the TV. I usually watch it when eating  dinner and I still cry from laughter during the episode when Ross is wearing leather pants or Rachel and Chandler are helping him to lift his couch.
2. Sex and the City - fashion, New York, girlfriends, cosmopolitans. Just perfect.
3. True Blood - not for the faint-hearted! I started to watch this after my friends recommended it. Then I read books and think that those are even better. But I just enjoy salivating over Alexander Skarsgård aka Eric Northman.
4. Gossip Girl - XOXO, you know you love me.

4 Things I'm passionate about:
1. Animal rights - one of main reasons I became vegetarian is because I didn't want to harm animals in any way. And I buy make-up and cosmetics only from companies who do not test on animals. 
2. Fashion
3. Art
4. Recycling

4 Phrases I say a lot:
1. Sorry very - my self-made variation - often said to Dom-dom on the phone when explaining something.
2. Can you make me some tea, pleeeeeeeease? - to the Boyfriend
3. Thank you - when he makes some.
4. OK

4 Things I've learned from the past - I wish I could go back in time and tell me that:
1. Do NOT care what others think about you.
2. Never judge book by its cover.
3. You're not choosing your family, but they will stick by you for the better and worse.
4. NEVER mix wine, beer and vodka.

4 Places I'd like to go: 
1. New Zealand
2. Japan
3. Chile
4. The Moon

4 Things I did yesterday:
1. I decided that for sure I want and I will move back to Poland sometime in (unfortunately) not specified future.
2. Talked to Mom on Skype.
3. Lost a card game with Boyfriend.
4. Wrapped Christmas presents.

4 Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Getting a job in a New Year.
2. New Year's Eve and partying drinking with Dom-dom and Monx.
3. Going home for Easter.
4. Giving Christmas presents - yesterday I had to literally stop myself from giving him at least one!

4 Things I love about winter:
1. How everything changes under the cover of snow and is white and pure - even the ugliest things.
2. That I can wear my Fox scarf.
3. Drinking hot chocolate without any regretts!
4. Christmas atmosphere.

4 Things on my wish list:
1. Getting a job.
2. Plane tickets for me and the Boyfriend to Poland.
3. Great NYE dress.
4. To be a rockstar. Even for one day.


And finally pass the tag onto 4 other bloggers:

1. Piglet in France

2. The Rich Life (on a budget)

3. Programmer's Wife

4. Love in the City of Lights

Christmas shopping etc.

Yesterday I went crazy. I got really stressed out, because I have been behind with sending applications (I needed a break from it and there not that many anyway). I just couldn't fall asleep, so I got up and send around 60. Honestly, I MUST have some superpowers. There's no other explanation - whole wide UK is deep asleep and I'm applying on a Sunday night. Soy loca. Today I got two phone calls from agents - my CV will be forwarded, so at least it is going somewhere.

It was a productive day - I went to the Post Office to collect my Amazon order. Finally. Then coming back I decided to go and buy Christmas presents. Naively thinking that it's Monday and it's not going to be crowded in the shopping centre. As usual, I was delusional. There was so much people I barely made it to River Island and Boots! I somehow managed not to go mad in there and when I came back I've even wrapped in paper all the presents! (I also hid them - some are in the drawer covered by my socks and the other half is in the wardrobe under the summer clothes.) Oh, how I enjoy giving presents! Shh, don't tell the Boyfriend, but I've bought him THE BEST present - a binary watch. Perfect for IT guy! Ha!

I've also booked tickets for the New Year's Eve party. This year I'm gonna dance, drink be wasted and say bonjour to the New Year in Sway. Apparently, a lot of people are coming. For me, the most important thing is that my closest friends are going to be there. It is pretty sad, but I've never, ever had a great NYE. Most of them were boring and more boring and I've never properly celebrated it. I feel that I desperately need it this year. To enter 2011 with a new energy, surrounded by friends and laughter. So I can find my inner-power and strength. So next year can be a better year.

Snowy

Yesterday I had everything planned - cleaning, Post Office (my amazon order FINALLY came after two weeks of waiting), shopping, storage unit and Christmas lights, cinema and a good dinner. We ended up doing nothing of the above. There was a snow storm. And then more snow with a cold wind. Boyfriend went only to the nearest store for the essentials and that was it. On top of that battery in the car went dead (that's what happens when Boyfriend no longer uses the car everyday to go to work) and I was pretty sure that was it. Possibility to pay for a new battery was just a final straw. In the end it worked out for the best that we didn't drive anywhere - cars abandoned on the streets, small accidents and all that. 

Today battery was charged and despite snow on the ground off we went - at least to get Christmas light and for a walk near the reservoir. Because the car doesn't have snow tires it was going from side to side when not driving on the main roads. And when it came to coming home - last few meters going uphill - the car just stopped responding and I had to sit behind the wheel and Boyfriend was pushing. Honestly, for a moment I thought that we're not gonna make it.

London today

Walk in the park was great. We planned to build a little snowman, like we do every year, but because the air is so icy, the snow is dry and you can't even make a snowball, let alone a snowman. Sniff, sniff. Maybe it'll get better in a couple of days. There weren't many people and only few came with the dogs - a very calm Sunday. Even the reservoir is covered with ice and you can see little footsteps of ducks and swans on it. And now Boyfriend is preparing dinner, I'm drinking hot cup of tea with lemon and I have The Sunday Times to read.

I didn't sleep well this night. Boyfriend was out having a Christmas party and came back around 6.30am. He spent 4 hours in a hospital with a colleague, who tripped when leaving the club and broken her leg! They waited for one hour for an ambulance and finally had to take a cab.

I'm not feeling good these days. Combination of homesickness, no job and festive atmosphere around does not help me at all. It may sound selfish, because it probably is, but I hate that people around are happy, I hate that they are complaining about work or telling me that they have to find a second job for weekends, because they'd love ti have extra cash. I hate thinking about my life over and over again and regretting that I've studied what I studied. I hate that I can't turn back time.

Trying to find Christmas atmosphere

So the Christmas cards have been finally sent and all I can do right now is pray that they'll arrive on time. For a couple of years I've been putting it for the last minute and the only reason I've sent them today was when I heard that AW is sending hers today. Few years ago I've been sending them at the very beginning of December and this year - even though I had cards for a month (!!!) I was stuck. And I had to make a walk in a pouring rain to the tube - that's the price you pay for being lazy.

I've been so close to buying a nice extra-small Christmas tree (around 10cm), but because it's alive I know we won't have space, so it can grow later. We already have one plant-leftover from Easter two years ago (it died almost 5 times, because I wasn't watering it. It reminds me - I must water it today.) And I don't have a heart to just throw it away like a disposable tissue. But we will go this weekend to the storage unit and take Christmas lights to make a window decoration. If I can't have a full-on Christmas display, at least I deserve to have a mini display.

"The sea gave her back..."

I've read today that in Israel storm unearthed an ancient Roman statute which is estimated to be at least 1,700 years old! Isn't it amazing?! To think who it represented, where it stood and who crafted it - lost and forgotten for centuries. It makes me sad that we'll probably never find the face and how many other treasures lie somewhere forgotten.

Decisions or not?

I still didn't decide what to do which equals that I'm going to stay with Boyfriend in London for Christmas. I don't want to say another what would be if I had a work, but the truth is that I wouldn't even think twice then and just booked a ticket - £190 would be a fair price. Not like it is right now. I feel double-guilty, because every time I talk to Mother on Skype I can see how sad she feels.

What can I do?! I can only promise myself that it is the last time. I want to believe that it is the last time. I need to gather my strength and attack New Year with power. I need projects, I need commitment from myself, I need to actually do something - even when I'm still not working.

Today was the last day at the WE office this year. I'm coming back in the second week of January. It's not a rewarding job, it's completely remote from what I want to do, but at least it's something. At least I've got this something to put on my CV. And I'm grateful for that.

I talked to AM a little bit today. I'm depressed that I don't have work and she's depressed that she has work in her home country. She just doesn't fit there and can't get used to that place. I'm so sorry for her. She deserves so much better!

I'm feeling lonely

I just came from WE - it was good to actually go there and do something constrictive. I ate Boyfriend's risotto and covered under blanket I'm surfing on the net. I feel sad and lonely since yesterday. I think it dawns on me that for this year's Christmas it's going to be only me and Boyfriend. No family, some friends, no Christmas Tree, no Christmas carols and this atmosphere which can only be achieved by being with the family - the jokes, the food, the stories... I have few wishes for a New Year - find a job, start to earn money and to save some, be a happier person and spend holidays with the family back home.

I've just checked ticket prices and it would be possible for me to go home for Christmas. But Boyfriend would be left behind and completely alone. And what I am supposed to do right now? Buy ticket? Stay? I have absolutely no idea. One part of me wants to buy this ticket right now, my heart is racing so fast. Another part feels sorry for him. I've already done staying-for-him thing this year for Easter. It was a couple of days when I've felt so alone like I've never felt in my entire life. Because I was alone - he had to go to work. Now he has different job, but still - he'll have to go to the office.

Bad and good reviews

Expect surprises

This weekend we went to see The Tourist. I'm not a fan of Angelina Jolie. I've always belonged to the Jennifer Aniston camp and always will. However, after watching Changeling I saw her more as an actress, rather than a celebrity with husband's blood in a phial around her neck. And surprisingly, even though in The Tourist a second leading role plays Johnny  Depp, it was Angelina's portrait of Elise that convinced me. Johnny Depp's  flimsy performance just didn't sell his character - I could see him as an actor playing the role, not an actual person he played. 

I've read the movie's review in The Sunday Times and as usual - it has only two stars while I enjoyed it. No matter who is reviewing the movies the only advice The Sunday Times gives me is to check out movies with the least stars. I don't know how these people measure the cinema. Apparently, it should be innovative, modern with a twist of being old-fashioned and at the same time a breakthrough. Thankfully, the book reviews are usually alright. For the next week in a row I've found a worrying trend - that the top ten of the best-selling hardback copies are ALL memoirs of some kind of celebrity Z-list stars (OK, there is one A-list - member of The Rolling Stones, but that's it). Who is reading those "books" written by comics and entertainers with a really ugly front-cover?

And yesterday I've watched the final of The X Factor - just like other 20 million people. Matt Cardle won, I'm very happy - I was supporting him from the beginning.  Especially after he sang Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time" or "First time ever I saw Your face" in a more than perfect way. He was mentored by Dannii Minogue, who for me is a role-model. Although people say that we shouldn't  vote for people just because they are mentored by a particular judge, the reality is a little bit different. It's the end of  The X Factor saga for now, Dom-dom will be free to go on dates on weekend's evenings (she is addicted to the show and NEVER misses an episode!), I'll be able to go to the cinema without regrets and the gossip columns will be full of the new details of the wannabies' lives.

How much full of yourself can you be?

ECH came to London when she was 17, almost 18. Now she is 30. She's done her degree in journalism. She has worked as a journalist in a Publishing House which publishes an annual compendium/encyclopedia about all major UK Law Firms - of course the biggest stress is made on the corporate international ones. Because her work involved interviewing many barristers and solicitors, she became familiar with law in general. Naturally, she possessed a fantastic knowledge about all law firms and the rivals they had. All good and bad points. 

She applied for the Training Contract* and from ONLY five applications she got three offers. She had this advantage and liberty to actually choose the law firm she wanted to work in! For today's standards, it is UNBELIEVABLE. That law firm paid for her both GDL** and LPC*** courses AND gave her yearly grant - they've spent on her more or less £45,000.

On the GDL she has failed at least 4 subjects. She passed them on the second attempt and was told that on the LPC such situation won't be tolerated. On the LPC she has failed one subject - a core subject called Property Law and Practice. The pass rate is 50%, she got 48% - only 2% difference means that if she would have answered correctly in one more multiple questions (A, B, C, D), she would have passed. Her law firm was understanding - tin my opinion extremely understanding - and told her that she has to pass under the second attempt or it's over. Second exam was at the end of August. Of course she appealed against the decision, but as the exams are checked by three independent examiners - there was no chance for change. 

She has failed second attempt. Even though she had whole summer to study, she decided to go home (Greece) for a month, party and study in the meantime. I told her what AM told me when she didn't pass her LPC exams year earlier - that second attempts are ALWAYS harder. It is understandable - they are using the material you were supposed to learn and know, but which was not really covered in the same detail in the classes. Nothing you can do about it. Pass rate remained the same - 50%. She got 37%. She has received the results at the end of October. During all that time she was working in her law firm as an assistant. She didn't wriggle her way out of this one. She was immediately fired. The results came in the morning, on 2pm she was already sitting in her flat. 

All this time she is blaming others. Despite the fact that on the eve of her first exam she went to a pub with her ex-boyfriend or the fact that she went away, without books or will to study. She had EVERYTHING and now she has NOTHING. But she is still blaming others. She again appealed against the decision, but she has achieved nothing.  Of course College of Law will not admit to their fault - even if there would be their fault. And there isn't. There simply isn't.

I just needed to get it out of my system. The whole story makes me really angry. I remember her boasting around, telling everyone and pointing me out that she had a training contract. And when I started to look for work (which I am still doing) she was telling me how easy it is to find it and suggesting that I'm not trying hard enough! At the moment she doesn't have a job. Even though she has much more experience on her CV than I have. Right now she is blaming her agent for her failed interview claiming that he  offered too big remuneration, which was rejected.

At least I've passed all my exams on the first attempt and never in my entire life have I failed something and she still has to write Property Law and Practice. In April. Without the help of College of Law (meaning that if there is any change of law she has to dig it up herself).

 

* Before you can become a qualified solicitor in England & Wales you need to complete a two year training contract at a law firm, with at least four different seats - in the areas of law like tax, corporate, media. Depending on in which law firm you have your training contract, you will be committed to the particular seat.

** Graduate Diploma in Law is a postgraduate law course that is taken by non-law graduates (graduates who have a degree in a discipline that is not law) wishing to become either a solicitor or a barrister in England & Wales. It allows people with a greater variety of educational backgrounds into the legal profession.

*** Legal Practice Course is the vocational stage for becoming a solicitor in England & Wales. The LPC is regulated through the Law Society. 

The Witcher

Today I'm reading my gift from Santa - The Witcher. I have wanted to read the books ever since I've met MFL* which was 7 years ago. I've just realised how long I know Him. And how amazing it is that I still have contact with him, despite the fact that I'm living here, he's living in Poland and I have a Boyfriend. All this years went by and I still have a major crush on MFL. I would something to happen, but I start to realise that nothing will actually happen. Anyway, it's a miracle that we still keep in touch considering the fact that I have no news from people I've known my entire life (or 18 years to be precise).

Yesterday I was looking for the books online and I've even planned to buy them next time I'm in Poland. And apparently Santa decided that I was a nice and so I got them yesterday. Whole package. Is it wrong to get something from your Boyfriend which reminds you of someone else - someone you have feelings for? I'm reading and thinking about MFL all the time. All day. I've texted him in the morning, but he can't be on Skype today to talk. I know that I have no future with him, but I still wonder what it would be like... If we had this chance.

*MFL = My First Love

The Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award - My First Blog Award!

Yesterday I've received another present - this time it was virtual and from the International Woman of Mystery. She has passed on me my very first blog award: The Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award. 

International Woman writes about her conquests in different parts of the world. She has travelled all around the world, met some wonderful people and in the meantime she is looking for this Perfect Guy. Recently she's moved from London back to Boston and is decorating her new apartment. I encourage you to visit her blog and see yourself how sweet she is! Her posts always make me smile and I love the fact that they are (usually) long - I can relax with a cup of tea and just read. She truly has an adventurous life! 

  

Thank you so much International Woman!

(I clicked on the link at least 10 times before I truly believed I didn't make a mistake!)

I would like to pass this award to three blogs which are very sweet and very beautiful:

The French Sampler - J'adore Crusoe (official French Sampler mascot) and all the photographs! I enjoy reading life story of Josephine Baker or see unpublished photographs of Marilyn Monroe. If you're looking for some inspiration - this is the place!

W stronę Toskanii (In the Tuscany's Direction) - This Blog is unfortunatelly only written in Polish and I really regret this! Olive is beginning her dream of living in Tuscany - she and her husband moved from Poland's capital city and bought a very old house called Molino just outside Cortona and this is their journey of a new life.

The Paris Apartment - I consider interior design to be one of my hobbies and I love the fact that this blog is full of amazing photographs! Check out fantastic ideas to redecorate.

Saint Nicholas Day

Because sometimes you just have to get up, put on your favourite heels, put on a slap of make-up, a brave face and walk out of door. Today I went to buy some Christmas cards and little gifts. I went today hoping that on Monday afternoon shopping at the shopping centre will be a rather nice experience. I was wrong. Just driving there I could see rows and rows of cars at the car park. What's happening inside can be described by only one word: frenzy. People walking everywhere, buying, trying, checking and carrying bags. I don't even want to know what was going on there yesterday and on Saturday! 

A little something for Boyfriend

I love buying gifts - it doesn't matter to whom. I just enjoy the thought that they will be pretty and useful for someone. I know almost every time what to buy for whom. I do have some problems, but usually after spending a far share of time at the shops I can dissect the best buy. Today is Saint Nicholas Day and it's a huge celebration in Poland. St. Nicolas is putting little gifts for children under the pillows and it's a huge deal. When I was going to school - doesn't matter if it was primary school or high school - it was a tradition that in the class we were drawing lots two weeks before and then buying gifts anonymously to the person we were lucky (or not) to draw. There were years when I was coming home with tears because a stupid boy bought me only chocolate and a stupid decorations while others got amazing colour books and crayons. There were years when I've exchanged draws with others so I could end up buying present to one of my best friends and she was buying mine, so we went out together and I was happy to know what I would get. Today I've bought Boyfriend little something, I hope he'll like it! I've also bought little something for myself, because it was such a long, long time since I've indulged myself. And I like it!

A little something...

...for me!

I'm sad but My First Banner cheered me up a little

I'm not feeling very good this weekend. I have a headache, a little sore throat and in overall I'm not feeling good at all. In addition, I had to break news today to Mother and say that I won't be home for Christmas. I know she is keeping her brave face but underneath she is heartbroken. I feel so sorry, I feel so sad. We're talking that I'll come for Easter... It is so long to wait. So long...

I just wish I have a job so I could FINALLY start to plan my life. I'm one of those who like to plan and make lists. I like to be organised, have Year Planner and little cute Notebooks. I want to be able to plan what I'm going to do and when.

After a couple of hours spent in front of the monitor, suffering pain in my neck, countless mistakes made in Gimp and time-consuming looking through the websites to find perfect embellishments I have made my first and very own banner! I hope you'll like it, because I absolutely LOVE it!

Beginning of December

I'm staying indoors for most of the week, because I feel I am in a pre-cold state and I REALLY don't want to be ill. Outside everyday are the minus-something temperatures, but there is very little snow. Barely over 5cm while AW told me that in Kent there is over 50cm. And it is. I saw the pictures she posted online. Not fair. But I'm not gonna spoil my morning thinking about that. Boyfriend went to work everyday this week, but he is alone in such behaviour - half of his office is empty and one of his colleagues has a broken ankle, because he slipped on the ice on the very first day of snowing (and his girlfriend was too scared to drive him to the hospital - even though he was in pain - because there was so much snow. I'm not complaining - I'm just saying). 

I'm starting to think about presents for Christmas. Usually I have a huge problem what to get for Boyfriend and I don't think it's going to be any easier this year. I also HAVE TO buy rest of the Christmas cards this weekend and send them on Monday. I'll put on some Christmas carols, write nice wishes and try to find my Address Book. If I'd have my card-making kit I would have done most of them myself, but since it is in storage I'm stuck with purchased. But writing Christmas cards, snow and decorations all around make me feel happy that the Christmas is coming! I'm not kidding myself - I know that I'm not gonna go to Poland and I won't see my parents, Krecik, my family and friends. But at least I have Boyfriend here and other friends and we'll try to make most of it.

Snow already melted

Didn't even survive one day

OK, there WAS some snow yesterday, but it melted and right now it's back to minus temperatures with nothing to compensate for the coldness. Everyone was updating their statuses on Facebook, friends calling and posting pictures - who knew that a little bit of frozen water can give so much? On the other side, people stranded at the airports, railway stations and in the cars on the motorway would beg to differ. Even Boyfriend recived an e-mail from work which encouraged people to take as much work home as possible in case they won't get to the office toady. Of course all around London everything is still, but because living in a big city generates lots of fumes and heat - we won't have that much snow. Sniff, sniff... To celebrate I drank new raspberry Breezer. I hate rum therefore I'm not a fan of Breezer, but this flavor tastes like a watery juice - perfect for me AND it has ONLY 100 calories! Winner!

I didn't go to WE today. I decided to stay and finally study some Spanish. Today it's 1st of December so I have only like a MONTH to revise and enrol on a nice intermediate-level course! It's actually making me sick right now. I waste so much time on the Internet and reading that I don't have anything left to study! On Saturday we went to buy me some books - and I have one for legal Spanish and one for preparation for DELE. These are the new ones. In addition, I have the lastest issue of Elle in Spanish, at least 5 different revision books, El Hobbit, Grammar and Vocabulary in Nutshell... Just please - I need some motivation! Today there are no excuses - I need to sit down and revise!