Cheating Girlfriend

A while ago I wrote about my good friend AB. Her boyfriend left UK because he got better job in Germany and it was supposed to be temporary - max 6 months. She, however, persuaded to stay him longer and longer, so he's been gone for almost a year. A week after he left, she met a younger guy in a club - very fit, with tattoos and great body. We all thought that it was just a typical fling - one week, two weeks, one month tops. It turned out to be different - all this time she was with that boy - going with him on holidays, festivals and spending time at her place. 

She almost completely blocked me out from her life - a very random phone call or text - a far cry from last year spending-ever-weekend-in-a-club. Boyfriend and her official boyfriend know each other well and I like him too. Officially - Boyfriend didn't know about anything, but of course after a couple of months I just gave in a told him everything - I just can't keep secrets from him! 

Me and Dom-dom often talked about that situation. How it is acceptable to have a short fling, but nothing for such a long time! It's basically as if she had two boyfriends - she was flying to Frankfurt once, twice a month to spend weekend with one of them and the other was in London. Of course none of them knew about the other.

Until today. Her (since today) ex-boyfriend just sent me, Boyfriend, Dom-dom, AM, AB's sister and three of her friends a video on Facebook made by AB showing this new guy in her room watching TV. He also wrote underneath that today he met this guy in her bed and that ends their 6 year relationship. She is so busted, we need a new word for busted. I wonder if she will speak to me or just erase me from her life. She'll obviously know that the video was sent - her sister will tell her.

Ancient Egyptian Book of The Dead

We had a very productive Sunday. I've woken up really early, got ready and we were out. It really helps that everyday I'm eating plain porridge with some fruit. First few spoons on Friday were more than horrible, but now, I'm actually looking forward to it every morning and it tastes great! The porridge I was usually eating was with added honey and sugar and it had too much calories for me to eat it nowadays. Besides, it was too sweet and I was always feeling funny - when I still had a couple of spoons left. This plain porridge is much healthier option and I like it! Anyway, our weekend breakfast were always a fuss - Boyfriend spent hours preparing it and now it's swift. 

On my way from the gym last week I saw a poster on the bus stop saying that Boris bikes aka bikes which are on the street and you can rent them for as long as you want them (for a price of course!) can be finally rented-as-you-go. After checking yesterday evening what the prices are, Boyfriend discovered that the booking price for 24 hours is only £1 and for first 30 minutes it's another £1. So we decided to travel to St John's Wood station and from there take a ride through Regent's Park. The sun was shining, it was warm - a perfect weather for the bike ride! I was so scared of riding on the London streets, because my first ride was a disaster. In the end, we couldn't ride into the Regent's Park, because there's a ban on bikes, so we decided to ride to British Museum. So we rode around Regent's Park, through Great Portland Street (Boyfriend's work) and next to the UCL. We were riding for around an hour and it was just GREAT! However, I couldn't focus on sightseeing this time, because I was constantly alerted and in a deep shock.

That's my bike - 17217!

We came to British Museum because there's a fantastic exhibition: Ancient Egyptian Book of The Dead. I am a Member, so we could go and see it anytime and without queuing. Yey! Those, who were on Sunday in a British Museum know that it's absolutely crowded or I should rather say swarmed with people. We went to see this exhibition last week, but only managed to see half of it, because they were closing the Museum (earlier in a day it took us a really long time to find a place to eat). So now we only had second half to see. I must say that this option worked even better. 

Entrance to the Museum

The exhibition is heavily founded on the papyrus and after a while you loose interest and patience to look at it. Because I was fresh I could concentrate better on the next half, unlike other people who simply passed, because it was too tiring. I must admit that the exhibition is very time-consuming and with only few places to sit, it's easy to get tired. I read so much about that I was expecting something a little more spectacular - maybe like famous The Terracotta Army. But in overall, I enjoyed it, and that's most important thing. 

Before going to the exhibition we ate some lunch - we were really hungry after the bike ride - and later we went to eat some more food to a French bistro. I ordered two starters - a soup and caesar salad, which turned out to be one of the best salads I've eaten in my entire life! Because it was only 2.30pm we went to Swiss Cottage to see Black Swan. Boyfriend absolutely loved the movie, I, on  the other hand, was expecting something more - similarly to the exhibition I read a lot of reviews so I made up in my head this great movie. I'm not saying I was disappointed, but I thought it was going to be a little different. Still - the ending is perfect. 

Fun day - Just Go With It

AW has given birth to her son yesterday at 10.34pm. I am so proud of her and I cannot believe that she is officially a mother. It's so scary to think that she is responsible for a real human being! I can't wait to see her and hug her but right now she is still in a state of shock and for a while she'll be getting used to a new role.

I - on the other hand - had a fantastic responsibility-free day with Dom-dom. It was so great to see her - I've missed so much, because we rarely see each other since it's winter (BLEH!) and we don't go out clubbing as often as in the summer (aka almost every weekend). I went to her place and the journey wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - good news for future! We ended up gossiping, laughing and talking about diet and gym. She has the exact amount of kilos to loose as I do, which is motivating. Usually, when I want to eat something or I don't want to go to the gym I simply tell myself that Dom-dom is doing it, so I don't want to be behind. 

We also went to the cinema and saw Just Go With It with Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler. I am a huge fan of Miss Aniston, even though to me she is an actress of one role only - Rachel Green. I envy her body and her hair - she is just perfect! We were both salivating during the movie and just nudging ourselves to say how amazing she looks. I was very positively surprised, because I liked the movie! Usually the movies she's starring in are so predictable it's too boring for me to watch it (I think the worst of the worst was The Switch), but this one was even funny and her acting was really good - she played to different persons and you could see the difference.

Scared of scales

Yesterday I've finally read a proper book. I am a true book-worm ever since Mother taught me to read when I was three. But because I'm not feeling good and this horrible depression I can't concentrate on anything and even reading was put aside. It is a book Polish written by Małgorzata Gutowska-Adamek "Cukiernia Pod Amorem". It is a story about the twisted and tangled family ties on within a space of a century. There are supposed to be two other tomes and I hope to read them soon. I'm not really fan of books like that, but I was surprised how interesting it was becoming with each chapter I read.

I also have a pile of magazines waiting for me to read them. I'm so bad - I usually buy and them forget or put it aside and never actually get down to read it. By the time I want tom there's new issue and I put it on top to make even bigger pile. I have weekend editiong of El País, Culture from The Sunday Times, Glamour, Stylist and Zest. 

Today I had a meeting with personal trainer Renata. She is extremely nice and easy to talk to. I had all the measurements taken and to be honest I am embarrassed. I don't know how I could have allowed for such enormity to happen... I really need to start taking care of myself in all areas of my life - psychologically and physically. I have two more sessions with her and then my 6 weeks membership expires (of which I didn't use much, because of my laziness and being sick), but I'm already planning to buy 4 months membership. I MUST exercise and diet or it's going to get even worse. I have never, ever weighted so much in my entire life and I had no idea it is even possible for me to weight that much (OK, I am exaggerating, but it was pretty bad when I stepped on scales). The worst thing is that I don't have energy and determination. I just have to find it in me.

So today is my first day of diet - I eat less, no sweets and fast foods, I drink plenty of water and I go to the gym 4-5 times a week. Easy to write and say, so much harder to actually do, but I have to keep trying. Almost one year ago I've survived TEN whole days without any food - just mixture of water, honey and lemon, so I know I have it somewhere inside me. 

Today was a good day

It's been a good day. I went to the recruitment agency and the lady was very, very nice. She has already forwarded my CV to one job advertisement, so it's good and hopefully she won't forget me easily. It's all thanks to the job experience I'm (randomly) going to - I've put on my CV things which I'm not really doing every day, but they will give me a great reference and confirm everything I say when I need it. Also, I have to call my aunt's friend today, because she may have a contact in a law firm over here. I'm not keeping my hopes up or anything, but would be great to find a job in my area of interest. I need to keep dreaming for now.

Tomorrow I'm going to work experience office, on Thursday I have personal training session at the gym (8am so I actually NEED to get up and go there) and on Saturday I'm visiting Dom-dom. She's not feeling really great, her work makes her depressed and yesterday she deleted the entire content of her Ipod. 

On the way home I went to the Selfridges to visit MAC counter and buy newest Lady Gaga VIVA GLAM lipstick in a nude shade. Unfortunately this new collection comes to stores on 3rd of March and they only shade they had was from the last collection - pink, extremely similar to MAC Saint Germain, which I already have. So I left the store empty-handed.

Selfridges window display

Wishful thinking

Next week I have a meeting with the recruitment agency, a meeting I am nervous about. It has been so long since I've been out and about and interact with people I don't know that I'm scared that I will forget tongue in my mouth. I'm not keeping my hopes up that something will turn out of it, because it's a simple registration meeting. At least I will go and be registered in another agency. I've also spoken with the agent, whom I met in August - regarding my dream job (for which I didn't even get the interview). The current job offer is in the same company, with excellent prospects for self-development and - most importantly - with the prospect of landing that dream job in the future. Again, I'm not hoping for anything. As far as I know - I am completely out of luck and it doesn't seem that it will end soon... It seems, however, that everyone is doing something, moving on with their lives, only I am stuck in the exactly same point as I was months ago. 

It's been two days since I've taken pills my doctor prescribed. It turns out - surprise, surprise - that I have depression and anxiety disorder. I have not spoken to either of my parents in weeks (with Mother - since that horrible outburst) and to be honest, I am feeling better, except that nagging feeling of guilt. I am learning to cope with it and understand that I can be ME without them. That I can make choices despite what they are thinking. It feels pretty depressing to actually realize that and start to learn that when I'm 23. Also, I don't really believe that the pills will help me. I don't understand how they can help me, because they won't magically erase all of negative thoughts in my head... Time will tell.

Forever Love - Paris Vogue

Photos of the editorial from the issue of Paris Vogue I was writing about in this post. It is called Forever Love - I really like the fact that it breaks the cult of young and shows different side of love.

Valentine's Day Gifts

I got spoiled last night. Of course I'm not complaining, because j'adore surprise gifts!

The Hummingbird Bakery cupcakes

 

Valentine's Day

Maybe I'm not feeling very well, maybe I'm angry and sad. Sometimes I'm fed up of everything and everyone and just want to hide from the world. But at all times there is this special someone, who stands by me and supports me - always. I don't have to pretend or act when I'm with him. He knows me more than anyone in this whole wide world universe. 

I love you in a place where there's no space or time;

I love you for my life, 'cause you're a friend of mine.

Pre-Valentine state

This weekend again the tube is not working, so we are stuck. On top of that, Boyfriend didn't buy road tax disc (or something like that) and we can't drive the car anywhere. We are on-line all the time and playing. Maybe it's not some kind of a terrific weekend that shakes you to the core, but at least we are together. I'm planning to dust our Scrabble and to play this evening. 

We have absolutely no plans for tomorrow. I would love to go somewhere - even if for one day - but it's wishful thinking. I still don't know what to do about the lack of job. I still don't know what I want to do in life. I have some ideas, but it's so early stages I have the feeling that I may change my mind again or that it will never happen. I'm afraid to dream. 

Mostly down

At least today I've actually done something. Some cleaning, laundry and ironing. Nothing much, but at least something. I am so fed up with myself and the whole situation. I am intelligent, smart, and yet for the past 6 months I haven't found a job, nothing. I just don't know what to do and whole the time I have a feeling like I've wasted my life and I've already lost on this lottery called life - even though it didn't truly begin. All the time I think that I've made wrong choices with my studies and the fact that I cannot turn back time is making me even more miserable. I know that I shouldn't cry over something what has already happened and I can't change the past, but I simply can't help myself.

On top of that, we've received a suspicious letter. I don't even want to open it. I am certain that it's some unpaid debt - for electricity or water - from the last flat. This makes me sick. That I can't do anything and that we are in these situations over and over again. I'm not even happy that tomorrow is weekend...

Nothing much

Nothing much is going on. I am still freaking out that it is half Fabruary and I still don't have a job. I have no motivation to do anything and because of the weekly slip aka being sick, even my 6 weeks challenge plan has gone to waste. All I can do it obsessively watch TV shows and listen to Glee songs. How pathetic am I?

Born This Way - Countdown

Only 2 days left for Lady Gaga's new single Born This Way to be released! 
Can't wait! I'm so happy that she has pushed the day from 13th February to this Friday. 
On the photo of the album's cover she has horns made by Alexander McQueen.

Down with fever

I have one week taken out of my life. I've been so sick, it's unbelievable. I had an over 38 degree fever for 4 days. Today - at last - I feel more or less normal/better. My whole immune system was weakened by all the stress.

I'm still taking penicillin and stay inside. Therefore my fabulous idea of a 6 weeks challenge plan is completely destroyed before I've even fully began it. It's just a perfect way to show me that it's a waste of time and money. Nothing else to add.

Let's not think about it

I have fantastic start of my 6 weeks challenge. I am sick. I am so angry with myself it's beyond words. I came back yesterday, I was hot, but I still drank this apple juice from the fridge. And later I came back from the gym and I did exactly the same thing even though I knew it's bad! Just great. I didn't go to gym today and I won't go to AW tomorrow - even if I'll feel better (unlikely) I don't want her to get sick.

I talked to a doctor today and  he prescribed me some pills. The things I have and take now - mostly herbal - are just not strong enough. When I'll get the pills I will speak to him in two weeks time to check if my condition has improved. I only forgot to ask him if I should talk to Mother or not. It's a vicious circle for me, because every time I get better I have to talk to her again, because we Skype on Sunday and Wednesday. 

I don't know HOW, but I've managed to send some applications today. Nothing special - usual thing recently - but at least I've been strong enough to log on the websites. There are so few offers (especially legal), it's terrifying, but I try not to think about it. Lately, it's my response to almost everything.