Trying to stay positive

I try to stay positive and think about the future in bright colours. But it proves much harder than I thought it could be. For the past week I've alienated myself and stopped talking to almost anyone. It's getting better each day and I hope it'll continue to do so. I really hope, because I have no idea how long I can exist like this. I say exist because it is existence - nothing to plan, nothing to do, nothing to wake up and get up in the morning for. This is the hardest part of all. To have something when you have nothing. But I made progress today by actually logging to the find-a-job websites and sending some applications. It is not good out there - very little advertisements, but I had to do something.

AM sent me Facebook message today. She has a hard, hard time adjusting to live in her country again. I seriously don't blame her. If someone would take away my freedom and normal habits I would be devastated. I can see that she is even more depressed than I am. I wish I could make her laugh and simply hug her and tell her everything's gonna be alright, but I know just as she does that it won't get better soon. She misses everything and everyone, literally everything. I feel so bad even though I can't do anything. And I feel bad, because my problems seem less significant than hers. And that I didn't write to her because I was ashamed that I failed on the last interview. I hope she'll come and visit soon. I know it'll get easier for her with time, but all the time she'll think about those amazing things she could be doing Here instead of There. I'm planning a little surprise for her - I've just send her sister a message to get AM's home address and I'll send her some magazines (Vogue!!!) and treats from London!

Boyfriend's 24th Birthday

I don't want today to be only marked as a date of my failed interview, so I decided to write about something more cheerful. Yesterday was Boyfriend's 24th Birthday! Poor thing is really excited and terrified at once when this day comes every year. Because I am 6 months younger than him (and Mother sent me to school one year earlier; I was am smart and intelligent), I tease him by saying: "You're sooo old". He reacts VERY aggressively and immediately after makes a sad face and noises which I can only describe as "Sniff, sniff".

Yesterday was our little celebration. Boyfriend got his presents - extremely modest this year due to my non-working - but because I know what he likes they were spot on! I also chose a very nice card, from the series we follow for various celebrations - anniversaries, Christmas, I-like-giving-you-a-card days, I-am-so-in-love-with-you-it-hurts days etc., etc. Boyfriend was happy and immediately got suck up in the surprise book. It was a lazy Sunday, but I like those. It's the time when you can relax, we can eat BIG breakfast sitting together - and Boyfriend prepares everything. In the evening there was my guilty pleasure - Xfactor and looking out of the window to admire a full moon*.

On Saturday we had a little birthday celebrations linked together with the housewarming party of Dom-dom and AP. There was a lot of champagne, food and vodka. We certainly know how to party! But because I had stupid interview today and Boyfriend was driving (Dom-dom and AP's crib is not far away, but to get there by tube takes around 1-1.5 hour, because you need to go to Central London first to change to the Northern Line) - i.e. not drinking except very little champagne and beer (we are strict on Driving = Not drinking; that's how Boyfriend's Father had a small car accident) - we decided not to go clubbing. Everyone was already wasted and clubbing was in North London - not Central where all my favourites are. I truly have fabbest friends who understood, so off we went, to bed and to get some beauty sleep.

* I've recently found a new admiration for the moon when I learned that it is made of SILVER! How cool is that?! I hope one day to have my very own Moon Silver pendant, earings and bracelet! And a ring to match!