Saturday, 30 October 2010

Fifty feet of crap, then me

Since Thursday I'm in a coma. I didn't get that job. I was strolling around London, going to Starbucks to have latte during Boyfriend's break and I've checked my BlackBerry. Then it hit me. Standard e-mail from HR manager. I'm still waiting for the feedback. I cried all the way home. And then I was re-living my interview over and over again. I fell numb now. Like it was a dream. I've completely alienated myself. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to see anyone. I'm reading and sleeping, but every once in a while a memory and enormity of everything slaps my in the face and I'm out of breath. 

My parents don't know about any of that. I don't want them to be worried, I know how they are. I feel so embarrassed that I still don't have the job. Embarrassed in front of family, friends... everyone. Embarrassed that I am a failure and can't achieve anything. On Monday I have to start looking for job. Again. I'm dreading it. I have absolutely no idea what else I can do.


  1. Whenever I don't get something I want I tell myself it's because there is something better waiting for me. I'm sure that your perfect job is out there waiting for you. You shouldn't feel like a failure - there are many many people in the same boat as you at the moment. It's difficult for anyone to find a job. I'm sure that nobody thinks less of you.
    I have my fingers crossed for you x x

  2. Dear Sarah, thank you so much for your comment. Words of support mean so much to me that I can't even describe it. Make me think that there is a light ahead in the tunnel and I'll get there someday.


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