Next week I have a meeting with the recruitment agency, a meeting I am nervous about. It has been so long since I've been out and about and interact with people I don't know that I'm scared that I will forget tongue in my mouth. I'm not keeping my hopes up that something will turn out of it, because it's a simple registration meeting. At least I will go and be registered in another agency. I've also spoken with the agent, whom I met in August - regarding my dream job (for which I didn't even get the interview). The current job offer is in the same company, with excellent prospects for self-development and - most importantly - with the prospect of landing that dream job in the future. Again, I'm not hoping for anything. As far as I know - I am completely out of luck and it doesn't seem that it will end soon... It seems, however, that everyone is doing something, moving on with their lives, only I am stuck in the exactly same point as I was months ago.
It's been two days since I've taken pills my doctor prescribed. It turns out - surprise, surprise - that I have depression and anxiety disorder. I have not spoken to either of my parents in weeks (with Mother - since that horrible outburst) and to be honest, I am feeling better, except that nagging feeling of guilt. I am learning to cope with it and understand that I can be ME without them. That I can make choices despite what they are thinking. It feels pretty depressing to actually realize that and start to learn that when I'm 23. Also, I don't really believe that the pills will help me. I don't understand how they can help me, because they won't magically erase all of negative thoughts in my head... Time will tell.