I'm feeling lonely

I just came from WE - it was good to actually go there and do something constrictive. I ate Boyfriend's risotto and covered under blanket I'm surfing on the net. I feel sad and lonely since yesterday. I think it dawns on me that for this year's Christmas it's going to be only me and Boyfriend. No family, some friends, no Christmas Tree, no Christmas carols and this atmosphere which can only be achieved by being with the family - the jokes, the food, the stories... I have few wishes for a New Year - find a job, start to earn money and to save some, be a happier person and spend holidays with the family back home.

I've just checked ticket prices and it would be possible for me to go home for Christmas. But Boyfriend would be left behind and completely alone. And what I am supposed to do right now? Buy ticket? Stay? I have absolutely no idea. One part of me wants to buy this ticket right now, my heart is racing so fast. Another part feels sorry for him. I've already done staying-for-him thing this year for Easter. It was a couple of days when I've felt so alone like I've never felt in my entire life. Because I was alone - he had to go to work. Now he has different job, but still - he'll have to go to the office.