Tuesday, 25 January 2011

My nerves are shattered

In the end, my day ended in tears. But these were tears of stress and nerves. Mother called and she put me in such a state I had a full nervous attack - just like in the old days. She said nothing new - that I don't look for a job, I waste my time spending it with friends and that I should study Spanish, that she is disappointed and "let's be honest - you have nothing now, you don't have the job and I am horrified what's going to happen to you".

I am fed up. I am literally fed up. I didn't respond to one thing she was saying and when her tirade ended I simply said that I won't be talking to her or father until I have a job - even if it would be six months. I simply can't take it anymore. Instead of keeping my spirits up and saying positive things like "something will come up", she is always accusing ME - that it is my fault that I don't have a job. I'm just spinning in a circle and I can't get out. She never sees me as a person, she never listens to me and my needs, she shrugs it off like a dust.

Immediately after the phone call, I called my aunt. I couldn't breath, so only after a while I took some medicine to calm me down. Now I have strict instructions from my aunt that I am banned to talk to my parents. They simply don't understand that I am trying and that I simply can't get a job. Their attitude and things they say to me - in their eyes - for my benefit - have caused a serious problems. I don't know how to solve them alone.

1 comment:

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